Sitting in a coffee shop while talking to You. You held my hand and said “I am the vine and my Father is the gardener”. It’s so wonderful.

I still don’t know what you want to tell me. I’ll be patient with myself.

Today I woke up after 12 hours of sleep then I tried to pray but I can’t concentrate. Heaps of thoughts entered my mind so as I thought to myself “I’ll just sleep again. I’ll just try again later”. By the time I opened my eyes, it’s 9:43 am. I had an extra 4 hours of sleep. I tried but I was distracted by Game of Thrones, so instead of praying I watched GoT. Then after 4 hours I thought to myself I’ll just go to mass to “compensate” so I played some apps in my phone, so in the end I got late for the mass.

It’s so horrible. I’m terrible. I traded Him for earthly goods. I traded the God who blessed me with so much with shallow happiness. How can I do that? How can I be so weak? How can I trade Him for something empty. I wasted a day. I didn’t keep my promise to Him. I tried and begged Him if I can have a day pass. Day pass away from His love. I’m so horrible.

All this time all I can talk about is how much I love You and the happiness that comes with getting to know You. Unfortunately, I have no idea how much You love me. I see the cross often and I know You gave up Your Son for me. I know but I don’t understand it. I’m also aware that in Your time I’ll get to know You better and love You genuinely.

God, help me to understand and appreciate everything you’ve done for me; Your love. Make me appreciate it. Make me love you genuinely with all that I am.

I know that what I’ve been doing and my love for You doesn’t compare to the least of Yours.

Open and create pure eyes, heart and mind in me.

Amen.

These past few days, which are quickly turning to weeks, there’s a distance between God and I. I can’t feel His presence. I’m not in love with Him as before. I’m not as enthusiastic. I don’t know. I don’t know if I have sinned against Him, of I’m being unfaithful, If I’m being self centred or selfish or anything or is He just trying to hide from me.

I don’t k know. I’m confused. I guess I’m back to square one.

I’ve asked a lot of people on what to do.

I thought I have all figured it out
I thought I know how it works but I know I’m
Wrong. I don’t know what to do.

I guess it’s really between me and God.

The past week was so dreadful. I was “away” from God and was bombarded with questions and thoughts about Him that I should never asked nor thought of.

I asked Him ” Why did you allow it?” “Why did it happen?” “I know You’re powerful but why didn’t You do anything?” I even question my own existence and His existence. Just a total spiritual warfare.

Then just now, I remembered I prayed to Him to reveal Himself to me; I want to know who really He is. I now understand why He allowed me to go under such phase.

Him being faithful, HE’S REVEALING HIMSELF TO ME. :)

I’ve been telling people I know who God is; how lovely He is but truth is I still don’t know Him personally. All my thoughts and knowledge about Him are based on other’s.

I think I have all the answers to my questions but it don’t register in my brain and, especially, in my heart.

I’m also still figuring things out as He unfolds His plans for me.

I’m so impatient that I’m running when I’m still at “crawling” stage. And such a control freak telling God what I want to happened next. I’m always jumping to conclusions with what’s happening with me, His plans, that I get blinded by this crazy phase.

I’m more convinced that He knows His plans for me and He is faithful. Therefore, I’m confident in Him. :)

I’m always reminded by the haunting fact that everyone’s going to die. It’s real, part of life and inevitable. You can try to suppress that fact but until when? I’m reminded by it every single day. With all honesty and seriousness, not a single day will pass not knowing someone died young. ( when I say young they’re toddlers to young adults.)

I personally think, it’s a blessing and a bit of a downer, in general.

It’s a blessing because your know that life’s too short and I get to appreciate everyday. I would try my best and live my life for God. ( I must admit I’m really bad at it but I believe that God will help me to get there and be the person He created me to be.) And a downer knowing that this may be over soon, too soon for some. It may end tomorrow, which I pray not, may be 2 years, 5 years, 50 years or 80 years later and it does not really matter when. We cannot really do anything about it when He decides to take us.

The question is, are you ready? Are you ready to face God?

In a world with constant hunger for rejecting God; ways, studies to disprove His existence. I’m afloat. It’s sad. I don’t want my salvation to be taken away from me. And yes, my faith is shaken.

God, please help me. Strengthen my faith. I don’t want to wander from away from You. And if I only have this lifetime, let me love You with all that I am.

Truth and Biggest Lie about following Jesus Christ

It doesn’t matter what your past is; what you’ve done. He, God, doesn’t love you because of what you did or did not do. He loves you no matter what (period)

The only question is, will you let Him love you? Renew you? Wipe your sins away? Heal your wounds? Give you a fresh start?